Tips for the First Date

The first date can be a little nerve-wracking but it never ends up being as bad as you think it will. If you go in with a positive attitude and follow these 15 tips, you'll do fine. These tips are divided up into tips aimed a men, tips aimed at women and tips designed for both men and women.

Feel free to read the tips for the opposite sex too. At the very least, you'll get an idea of the things your date is most likely to be concerned with. The first date can be awkward but if you understand that your date likely feels the same way and you show genuine courtesy, everything should go great.

Tips for Men

1. Make your date comfortable

When you're ready to meet for the first time, take extra care to make your date feel comfortable. Remember, she's taking a risk just by meeting you and she may have fears playing in the back of her mind.

The best thing you can do is offer to meet your date in a public place. It's ok to offer her a ride but be understanding if she would rather provide her own transportation. Your date will definitely notice it if you're considerate of her feelings.

2. Appropriate dress

Looks play a big part in the all-important first impression. You don't need to come dressed up in a tuxedo but make sure you're dressed for the occasion. Nice jeans and a polo shirt are adequate for a casual cup of daytime coffee. Know in advance where you'll be going and dress appropriately for the occasion.

You can't go too far wrong if you just wear clean, ironed clothes and look somewhat normal. Avoid hats, dirty clothes, t-shirts and jerseys (duh). Polos, button up shirts, and jeans or slacks are just fine.

3. Listen

If you show a genuine interest in what your date has to say, it will quickly build rapport with her. Listen to what she has to say, ask follow-up questions and don't interrupt her when she's talking.

Not only does listening show that you're a good conversationalist but it will also make the conversation easier for you. The more you listen, the less pressure there is on you to fill in for awkward silences.

4. Come prepared with a plan and a backup plan

Traditionally, the planning of the first date falls on the shoulders of the man. Show some initiative and come up with a plan before you ask for the date. After you secure the date, make up a backup plan in case the place you intended to go is closed or something comes up that requires a change of plans.

Having a backup plan will save you a lot of trouble and prevent you from having to think on your feet. You'll appear more confident and spontaneous if you come up with a good idea when the first plan doesn't work out.

5. Manners

Little things like opening the door and giving a genuine compliment will show you for the caring, kind individual you are. But make sure you're sincere in the things you do and say. Women will probably know when you're putting on a show.

When it comes to compliments, keep them low key and casual on the first date. You don't need to gaze into your date's eyes and compare them to the stars. Just a simple "you look nice tonight" is sufficient. You don't have to use all the "pick up" lines.

Tips for Women

1. Appropriate dress

Men are pretty accepting when it comes to the things you choose to wear. They'll take your word for it because you're usually right when it comes to fashion. The only things you need to avoid are revealing outfits. If you're meeting for lunch, for example, don't be afraid to dress up a little bit but don't show up in an inoppropiate club outfit. This comes down to morals, so this may not even be an issue for you.

2. Safety

Safety is your number on priority. The odds of you running into some kind of psycho are infinitesimal but you can never be too safe. Make sure you meet in a public place for the first date(s) and plan your own transportation.

It might sound a little paranoid but you should also not allow your date to make any drinks without your accompaniment. If you lose sight of your drink for even a second, order a new one.

3. Manners

Be caring and considerate of your date. If he gives you a compliment, accept it graciously. The simple please and thank-you will go a long ways in showing class and your date will appreciate it.

Your date will probably be a little nervous so if you offer a simple, low-key compliment he'll really appreciate it. Again, something like "you look nice tonight" will make your date's night.

4. Set gentle but firm boundaries

Set boundaries for yourself before the date begins and stick with them. Do not ever let your date talk you into doing anything or going anywhere you don't want to go. Not only do firm boundaries keep you safe but they also show that you respect yourself.

5. Identifying red flags

Red flags aren't always game killers but they should always be noted. If your date gets an attitude with your waiter, is reluctant to reveal information about himself or does anything else that makes you wonder, keep it in mind.

Some red flags are automatic game killers, however. Obvious ring-marks on the wedding finger, pressuring you to go somewhere you don't want to go or making unwanted sexual advances are signs that you need to exit the situation immediately. Your safety must always come before his feelings.

Tips for Men and Women

1. Be positive

People naturally enjoy being around other positive people. Your date will have a great time if you smile and see the bright side of things. Nagging and complaining are major turnoffs.

2. Topics to avoid

Even though you're trying to get to know each other, there are still certain topics you should avoid. The number one topic to avoid is "The Ex." If you bring that topic up, you'll send serious signals that you're not ready for the dating scene.

Other major topics you should avoid include family problems, morbid topics like death, bodily functions, technical jargon from your job, boring facts about the day you had at work, and of course sex. God clearly tells us that he DOES NOT approve of sex outside of marriage.

3. First date ideas

There are a thousand different things you can do on your first date but try to keep the first date casual and somewhat active. Dinner and a movie is usually a bad idea because it locks you in the date for a long time. Coffee or lunch in a public place is a great place to meet for the first time because it's a safe, public place and there isn't any pressure to "make moves." Remember, you're just here to get to know each other.

4. Don't appear needy

This tip is a little broad in scope but you need to avoid appearing needy no matter what. If your date is about to end, don't plead and beg for another hour. You also don't want to tell your date that you plan on getting married within the next year, for example. It wouldn't hurt to say you would like to someday, but I wouldn't put a timeline on it. Get my drift about appearing needy?

When the date is over, you can say you had a great time and would like to do it again sometime but don't sit there and try to make plans at the front door. If the topic of a second date comes up that's great - but don't force it.

5. Don't get drunk

If you drink and have a glass of wine with dinner, you really need to limit yourself. First of all, the bible is very clear about getting drunk. Secondly, when drunk you will be MUCH more likely to turn your date off. On top of that, getting drunk will severely impair your judgment and possibly leave you stuck in an unsafe situation.

If you would like additional tips that aren't first date specific, then take a look at our general dating tips article.